PRIDE on the Mat

What Yoga Taught me about Love, Identity and Unlearning the Binary

If I were to be the type to follow the rules, that would even apply here in this article. Wrap this shit up in a nice neat lil bow. Don’t be too vulnerable, keep it light and “good vibes only”. Hit y’all with this quick 3 steps to FIX your nervous system and add a lil call to action to come to my classes or book a yoga therapy session with me. Cuz ya know… that’s what Yoga is supposed to be, right?

But the truth is, healing really ain’t like that. It’s definitely not meant to be something that ruffles feathers and causes discomfort. Or so that is what society wants you to believe. Now as far as being a rebel, I am that without even trying, Im Black and I teach yoga (not only do i teach it im a whole yoga therapist) and that’s weird for most to wrap their heads around. Then I have the nerve to throw in that Im Queer, Non-Binary and OMG also Polyamorous. So yea, I’m a unicorn. But up until I decided to dive deeper into my practice and start to truly unpack who I am in self study. I was all over the place and honestly really had no idea who I really was.

My Presence IS the practice

So it’s June, its pride month and Juneteenth is this month. And like any other golden opportunity to be commercial af, the world (especially the straights), likes to tell us how we need to be, howe we should show up. And usually loud and proud is something that activates those who don’t even understand who tf they are, let alone what that looks like. Pride isn’t just some commercial corporate sponsorship. It’s really about reclaiming sovereignty. For me, that happened in my practice both on and off the mat. See Yoga looks like it teaches you how to fit in, how to be proper and aligned with the practice and others who practice. And despite what most people think, Yoga gave me the cheat code to actually break the boxes and realize I can do and be whatever tf I want. The way I have learned about myself and my identity has helped me with my intimacy with self and with others. And i absolutely use these tools in connection and in building loving relationships. There are 3 main yogic principles that have taught me how to live, love and simply exist on my own terms and find what works for me.

1. Aparigraha (Non-Possessiveness): How to Release the Grasp

   Society has taught us that love is about ownership. We have been conditioned to believe that we have unlimited access to our partners time, attention, and energy. When I first started practicing polyamory, I just fought these feelings. Thinking that having feelings like this come up when I’m non-monogamous means im doing it wrong. But the truth is NO, I’m doing what has always been taught to me. I am moving from what I’ve always done. When you get into a relationship, that person is “yours” according to the world. Deconstructing this belief took lots of time and deep inner work. With doing the work, I began to understand that the deeper issue was fear. I wanted to control things, people and outcomes out of fear. Hiding what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be so that my partner wouldn’t choose to leave me. Abandoning myself in decisions because I felt..wrong.

   Aparigraha taught me how to pause and breathe through these feelings.

   In Yoga, we know we can’t hold a single breath forever right, we have to release it to receive the next one. On the mat, and in my self study I learned where i was seeking to control and where I needed to let tf go. In my relationships, this translated to releasing the kung fu death grip I had on my partners and realizing that whatever was going to happen was going to happen. The true win here was letting go and experiencing the journey one day at a time. I let go of being so possessive and realized that my partners could find happiness, freedom and connections and it wasn’t about me. I felt grown y’all. Now did it lead me to compersion? Hmmmm let’s look at this next principle to determine that.

2. Satya (Truthfulness): Radical, Naked Honesty

   In yoga, especially on the mat. You cannot hide yourself when you are holding a difficult pose ( depending on the day that could even be savasana). The mat and the physical practice on the mat forces you into that space of a brutal, but sometimes beautiful, level of radical honesty. It shows you where tension is, where your physical and emotional boundaries are and baybeeeee you cannot fake this one!

   Polyamory for SURE demands that same level of Satya.

   And as a Black, queer, non-binary baddie — I am already in a fight every mfkn day expressing my truth. In a Black community that is most definitely homophobic as hell (I would say straights only but hell there are also LGBTQ+ folks who are also homophobic/transphobic as hell. Then to be in community with white queers who see you as less than, a token or honestly do not even attempt to understand what life is life for you. That shit is heavy no lie. But the wold wants us to stick to these strict binaries, right and wrong. Normal and just fkn insane. One thing for sure and two things for certain, I am not in the space of compromising who the fuck I am anymore in my private life. In December of 2020 I started living my life unapologetically out loud online and I haven’t looked back. Satya is this radical practice of being honest with myself and my partners about my desires, capacity and my boundaries. And this even goes with compersion. Because I don’t HAVE to experience it and when I don’t that is ok too because… its TRUTH.

3. Ahimsa (Non-Harming): Honoring the Emotional Edge

   In many traditional wellness spaces, its not uncommon to hear things like “no pain, no gain” or to be told to “push through the pain”. Yea nahhhh lol, in yoga we don’t do that shit. Forcing bodies into a shape is not yoga at all, its harm.

   Ahimsa is the commitment to the practice of non-harming and its the foundation of how i have learned to hold space for myself and for the folks I love.

   When relationship dynamics get messy and complex, Ahimsa is our reminder to move with tenderness and care. It means that we first honor our own emotional capacity and knowing when our own nervous system is full and needs rest. And on the flip side is also means actively protecting and respecting the emotional landscape of my partners. It’s a daily practice of choosing empathy over the need to be “right”.

Beyond the Binary

Identity and relationships are like everything else, not rigid structures. They are actually fluid and continuous practices. This Pride Month, my practice is a refusing to show up in marketable aesthetic or tone. It’s a commitment to showing up exactly tf as I am: fluid, unfiltered and whole. I want to take these conversations off the social feeds and bring them into deeper spaces for discussion. (classes, zoom rooms and even dinner tables)

My invitation to you is to sit with these principles this week. Aparigraha, Satya and Ahimsa. Do you need to lean to lean into one more than the other for peace this week? how are you honoring your own fluidity? Share your struggles, thoughts or your journey below. Let’s break the binary together and learn how to hold space for each other.